Slow Suicide
by forsaken2003
Summary: After Sunnydale, Xander just stopped living. Spike changes that.


Title: Slow Suicide  
Author: Forsaken2003  
Pairing: S/X  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: After Sunnydale, Xander just stopped living. Spike changes that.  
Warnings/Spoilers: Post NFA  
Beta'd by: Unbeta'd

Prompt #478 from tamingthemuse- Slow Suicide

Note: From now on most of my tamingthemuse stories will be named as the challenge.

After the destruction of Sunnydale and the loss of Anya, Xander practically stopped living. He went to Scotland with the others. The council hooked him up with his own apartment. It was small but it wasn't like he had anyone to share it with.

Xander didn't help with patrol or research. He rarely left his apartment. The girls and Giles visited which was nice but Xander liked his solitude. One time they brought Andrew with them. It didn't end well. He tried to talk to Xander about Anya and Xander wasn't having any of it. Andrew had no right to even say her name. Xander grabbed Andrew by his shirt and slammed him against a nearby wall. He vaguely remembered yelling at him telling him everything that happened in Sunnydale was his fault. That Anya's death was his fault.

Buffy had to drag him away from Andrew. Andrew never came back for another visit. That didn't lose any sleep over it.

One afternoon Xander was laying on his couch with his head on his pillow and a blanket draped over him. It was where he slept. He didn't need a bed. Too big and lonely. There was a knock on the door and Xander groaned. He knew it wasn't his friends because they all keys made. He ignored it until it became repetitive.

Whoever it was, was determined to drive Xander around the bend. Xander tossed the blanket off of him and stormed over to the door. Without looking through the beep hole he threw the door open. His eyes widened. His heart picked up. This wasn't possible. Xander fell to his knees. "What? How? Why?"

Spike knelt down. "Hello, Harris."

"You're dead," Xander said. "You can't be here."

"Short story. I didn't die. I got sucked into the amulet. I was a ghost for a while stuck in LA. Then I was back to myself and still stuck around in LA until it went to hell… literally," Spike told Xander. "Are you going to invite me in?"

Tears burned Xander's eyes. Of course Spike got another chance to live. Why would Anya?

"Xander?" Spike said softly. "Let me in, yeah?"

Xander's throat hurt as he tried not to cry. "Come in, Spike." He moved out of the way.

Spike entered and surveyed the apartment. "It's a step up from the basement," he commented.

"Thanks," Xander said. Honestly he'd be happy in the basement again. "Why are you here?" He sat on the couch bunching the blanket up so Spike could sit.

"Here in Scotland or here at your appointment?" Spike questioned.

Xander shrugged.

"I couldn't stay with Angel and what was left of his team. They're a good lot but I didn't belong there. You and the others are my only other family. The others didn't seem shocked to see me. Andrew must have told them I was back. I'm surprised he didn't tell you as well," Spike said.

"That would probably be because the last time I saw him I wanted to kill him," Xander replied. "I'm not shocked the others didn't tell me. That stuff isn't my life anymore." He looks at Spike and turned his head away. "Doesn't make it easier to see you though. Trying to get through the day not thinking about Anya is hard enough; now you're here when you died the same day she did. It doesn't seem fair."

Spike didn't take offense to it. "It's not fair," Spike agreed. "And if I could I'd switch spots with her in a heartbeat."

"Why are you here?" Xander asked again.

"Because the others told me that you've been on a slow suicide path and I can't let you do that," Spike answered.

Xander hadn't really thought about it. He was slowly killing himself, wasn't he? "Why do you care?"

"Because I know that if Anya could see you she'd want to kick your arse. Or cause vengeance of some kind. She was good at that," Spike stated.

Xander couldn't fight smiling. "Yeah, she was. Best in the business." The smile faded. "I thought we'd get back together. That we'd actually get married. We'd get our happily ever after."

Spike placed his hand on Xander's shoulder. "I'm sure you would have. She loved you. Even when she hated you."

"She did?" Xander whispered.

"You didn't ever really doubt that?" Spike asked surprised. "You were the best thing that ever happened to her. You made her a hero and she was bloody thankful for that."

Xander broke down. "I miss her, Spike. Every damn day. How am I supposed to live without her?"

"It's hard but you just do," Spike said softly. "She'd want you to move on."

"How?" Xander asked helplessly.

"You let your friends in. Let them help carry some of the pain. Like you helped Willow," Spike said. "They love you and miss you."

Xander missed them as well. "I don't know if I can go back, Spike. Seeing Andrew on a daily bases? He doesn't even belong here. He's not one of us."

Spike didn't disagree. "We just have to trust that Buffy, Willow and Giles know what they are doing, don't we? You do trust them, right?"

"Of course I do! I just don't trust myself around him," Xander confessed.

"Then I'll just make sure you're never alone with him," Spike declared.

Confused Xander asked, "What do you mean?"

"Think of me as your bodyguard. I'll be with you whenever you're at Slayer Central," Spike said with a smile. "If Andrew does anything that makes you uncomfortable I can still scare the shit out of him."

That actually did make Xander feel better. "Maybe I'll go tomorrow."

Spike stood. "Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow." He headed towards the door.

Xander stood up quickly. "Do you have to go?"

"No," Spike said surprised. "I've got no plans."

"Do you want to order a pizza and watch a movie or something? I don't have any blood but I can make sure I have in the future," Xander offered.

Spike smiled. "Sure, but if you order garlic bread or anchovies, pineapples or olives on the pizza I'm out of here."

Xander huffed but he supposed he could live without garlic bread or olives for one night. "Deal." Maybe life would get better. Who knew that it would be Spike to do it?

The End


End file.
